Summary Of Past Few Months~

Finally! I have some time to update my so-called blog after my last entry 4 months ago. I must admit, I am very bad at keeping up to date. But anyway, a lot has happened over the past few months. I will highlight some of the most memorable moments throughout the months.

Start of October 2013: Booked flights to go to Canada with the girlfriend for a couple weeks in May 2014. Super excited! Last time I was there, it was 11 years ago! Can't believe how time has flown and I still remember it like it was yesterday. But this time going should be a bit more fun as I'm a lot older now, therefore I can go drinking haha! Also because I'm going with my partner in crime. She's a lot of fun to be around.
Mid October: Went to visit my girlfriend in Manchester. Had plenty of drinks and cigarettes although I think I tend to smoke when I'm around her. Had great fun, as usual. I have decided I will make it a yearly visit every October to go see her. It's crazy to think that I met this crazy little miss 10 years ago and we went from being strangers to becoming really good friends. And although she has moved abroad, things are always the same every time she's back in Ireland.
End of October: It was my birthday at the end of October and usually I would have a joint birthday with the girlfriend as her birthday is just a week after mine. I went out to dinner in Ballsbridge to celebrate although I'm not a birthday person.
I've also started Pole dancing classes with Alison and Bonnie. It is hard work! Need a lot of upper body strength. But hey, no pain, no gain. Although I'm not trying to gain anything, it's just something I've always wanted to do but had always been shy to. Hah! Me shy?! Hm....

Start of November 2013: Brought my cutie little brother to the airport as he is jetting of to South Korea for 3 whole months. Lucky him! 
It was my grandmother's 5th year anniversary and it made me think of her for the whole day. She's my biggest inspiration and it brought a lot of tears to many people when she passed away.
Mid November: Got my braces off after 2 years, 5 months and 10 days later. I was suppose to keep track and take pictures and blog about it each time I had to get a tightening done but I've been so lazy and kind of forgot most of time so I'm going to scratch that off my list.
Started my 2nd term in Pole dancing. Still going strong! :)
Went to see my first ballet- Romeo and Juliet at the Bord Gais Theatre.
My love came home from America and I had never felt so happy to see him! Although he was home for the Summer and we had some issues, this time was different. As cheesy as it sounds, I've never met anyone like him before. He is some character for one character. We do have our differences but I guess that's why we mesh well together as he brings out the randomness in me and I keep him grounded for when he is up in the clouds. I guess no one will ever understand 'us'. And I like that.

December 2013: Can't think of any memorable moments in December except for it was Christmas! To be honest, I have never, ever, enjoyed Christmas. I'm a very 'home-ly' girl and had always enjoyed it when I was younger and having our family get together etc etc. But the past few years have been so over hyped and all about who got the better present or how much it was worth. There was nothing so 'family' about it since my parents divorced. But Christmas 2013- I had a good one.
That being said, it all came to a crashing halt when I found out something I shouldn't have about 'him'. It made me feel so down I didn't know what to do and to act being all right and all, it was just unreal. I don't even know how I endured the pain but I'm glad I had to go through that experience as it wouldn't have made me realize that I am a strong person.
End of December: Went to Mayo!! With the invincible 12- Me, Craig, Yan, Alan, Bonnie, Orla, Bacon, Mary, Ben, Gavin, Owen and Aisling. Had an amazing time and I can't stop thinking of the laughs and bants we had. And plus all those drinks we had playing beer pong/ big 2/ Monopolydeal/ Mahjong and what not. We stayed for 3 nights and on the 2nd night, the heating went so we were stuck in a house with no heating or hot water. Also, the rain was coming in through the letter box and Orla had to get tea towels and stuff the door. Was funny. And I got drunk @_@ The house was very beautiful and it was a great time to relax after the hectic festivity.

Anyway, I'm going to finish this blog up now as it's getting pretty late. My new years resolution?
To blog more often. Ha! X

In life, not everyone gets a second chance. If you are given a second chance- consider yourself abso-fucking-lutely lucky. Oh, and don't fuck up. 

Love is.......

Just been randomly inspired to do this blog after spending 3 whole hours watching The Ultimate Hits Of The 00's. What can I say? The 00's were full of love songs which brought me to think of a friend who has just been through a horrible breakup. I've tried telling him that even though you love the person/ in love with the person, sometimes it doesn't necessary mean you have to have the person. For me, loving someone means seeing them happy from afar even if they're with someone else and that someone else isn't you.
Love is a funny thing. It comes and goes. Even if you have broken up with the person, the love doesn't stop just there. I know it's a cliche but it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Sometimes I feel when I want something- I have to get it. I get super excited and sometimes cannot eat or sleep for days just from thinking about it. But when I am close to getting it- I step back and think will I be happy with it? I'd rather keep this feeling of having loved it at some point in my life rather than risking having it and not being happy. You always cherish what you have lost but by then, it's too late.

Love is patient. Instead of going out to find it, let it find you.

Things fall apart for better things to fall together.

It is hard to find someone you really love with your whole heart. Love knows no boundaries. I think I'd like to have someone who loves me more than I love him. I have found that person.
The past couple of weeks have made me realize that I cannot lose him. I think sometimes when I spend too much time on my own, I start to have crazy thoughts on thinking how things won't work out and I'm not going to lie- my heart has swayed. But it's all for the wrong reasons. I don't want to lose what I have- what I have is too special to lose. I think, as they say, communication is key.
I'm a very out there kind of person and I chat a lot- random stuff- life stuff. And I would need someone who can catch up with my pace.

Everybody remembers their first love. I certainly remember mine. He was a cool kid. Not very chatty. Kind of reserved. But being around him made me feel 'at ease'. Things didn't work out between us as we were friends first- then it escalated to being more than just friends. It all happened too quick too soon. I, being young at that time, broke up with him. He was pretty hurt for a while but I'm sure he's over it now. After all these years, we remained friends. 'Good friends' as I like to call it. But in my heart, I, myself, will always remember the good (and the bad) times we had. Everyone changes- but memories will always remain untouched. I wish him nothing but happiness in the future. 

AfterSchool- First Love

Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na

I was so young back then, I could only see you
I didn’t need anything if we could be together

We fought a lot about things that weren’t a big deal
When I think about it, only laughter comes out

Sometimes I’m so curious about you, I could die
But there’s nothing I can do about it now

Sometimes I think of you and I miss you so much
But I will just bury it in as beautiful memories

First love, my unforgettable love
Why does it hurt so much? Am I the only one who remembers?
First love, I call out to you with this desperate voice
Until it can reach you, until always

Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na

Hello? Just saying that one word is hard so I can’t even call you
I’m sorry that I didn’t treat you better, I’m so sad over you
I can’t be held by you anymore, even in my dreams
Don’t ever hurt again and be happy, I will pray for you

The past memories flicker before me, I can’t do anything
Why am I such a fool?

First love, my unforgettable love
Why does it hurt so much? Am I the only one who remembers?
First love, I call out to you with this desperate voice
Until it can reach you, until always

I close my eyes in this moment, tears flow in this moment
Why am I so pathetic, still not over you?
Without a choice, I’ll pray for your happiness

Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na

Drake- Hold On We're Going Home

I got my eyes on you

You're everything that I see

I want your high loving me motion

And lastly, I can't get over you

You left your mark on me

I want your high loving me motion endlessly

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

You act so different around me

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

I know exactly who you could be

Just hold on we're going home

Just hold on we're going home

It's hard to do these things alone

Just hold on we're going home

I got my eyes on you

You're everything that I see

I want your high loving me motion

And lastly, I can't get over you

You left your mark on me

I want your high loving me motion endlessly

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

You act so different around me

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

I know exactly who you could be

Just hold on we're going home

Just hold on we're going home

It's hard to do these things alone

Just hold on we're going home

You're the girl

You're the one

Gave you everything I love

I think there's something, baby

I think there's something, baby

You're the girl

You're the one

Gave you everything I love

I think there's something, baby

I think there's something, baby

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

You act so different around me

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

I know exactly who you could be

Just hold on we're going home

Just hold on we're going home

It's hard to do these things alone

Just hold on we're going home

Losing You- Solange~

Summer jam of June 2013~

Losing You- Solange

Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good
We use to kiss all night but now it’s just no use
I don’t know why I fight it, clearly we are through
Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good

I knew you waiting for the rest that you can't get from me
Just chew me good and baby i'll give you the rest of me
I'm not the one that you should be making your enemy
I'm not the one that you should be making your enemy

Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good
We use to kiss all night but now it’s just no use
I don’t know why I fight it, clearly we are through
Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good

There's something I know you taking it away from me
I gave you everything and now there's nothing left for me
I'm not the one that you should be making your enemy
I'm not the one that you should be making your enemy

Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good
We use to kiss all night but now it’s just no use
I don’t know why I fight it, clearly we are through
Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good

Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good
We use to kiss all night but now it’s just no use
I don’t know why I fight it, clearly we are through
Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good

Reminiscing On Younger Years~

As I was having dinner with mom, we were talking about when I was younger- which inspired me to write this post.
There is my Dad, Mom,  big brother, me, my little brother and my little sister who is the youngest of the family.
Being the middle child wasn't really easy for me. Mainly because my 2 brothers got all the attention and my sister, being the youngest, also got attention.
We are all very close in age. It was like 4 peas in a pod. Although we all got along- we always wanted to kill each other. Always winded each other up and creating random games together.
We weren't in a well off family. My parents were hard working parents. My dad had his own takeaway in London and my mom did clothes making. We lived in a flat in London- Bembridge House. It was a 3 bedroom flat- I just remember it had a lot of stairs.
My dad was always in work and I remember after lunch, the four of us would queue up and say goodbye to him as he put on his shoes and his black leather jacket. My mom was a stay at home working mom. She had to look after us while she worked. To kill boredom, my siblings and I always made up random games to play. One time my big brother and I played Cooking Teddy bears. My mom came rushing down the stairs and told us off. I remember this incident because I burnt my finger on the hob.
Sometimes my mom would have to go to the takeaway to help out so my parents would bring us to my grandmother's house for her to babysit us. We would meet up with my 3 other cousins there and there would be chaos! My grandmother also worked at home doing clothes making. One time we were messing around and one time my grandmother stormed in and took the water gun we were playing with and snapped it in half! We were so afraid of her.
My dad wasn't a typical dad. We didn't have much of a relationship although he adored my little sister. He smoked, he drank, he gambled and he had other women outside. My parents always argued so we were well use to it growing up. Because of my dad's gambling problems, we were always moving around. I'd say we lived at 5 different places around London before we finally packed up all our things and moved to Ireland in 1995.
Living in Dublin, Ireland- was different. The schools were different. I also noticed there weren't many black people in my school whereas in London I had many different cultural friends.
We were very bold kids when we were younger. We'd bunk off school a lot and always sneak out of the house after bed time. We always physically beat each other up, bickered and argued. It was pretty pointless but I guess that's what siblings do.
My parents divorced when I was 17. It was very hard for us all. My dad moved out and the 4 of us stayed with mom. Mom was always unhappy but at least she had us. Since the divorce- the 4 of us stopped fighting and stopped arguing. We all got along. We'd have the odd tiff here and there but nothing serious.
Growing up was bittersweet. My mom depended on me a lot and I did everything for her.
Now my sister lives in Belfast with her fiance. My younger brother is away in Korea on holiday and my big brother is a chef at my aunt's takeaway.
Although we all lead different lives- when we get together its like younger days. I'm very grateful and thankful in this lifetime I have these 3 as my sibling.

Random Update

I'm very bad at blogging. It's one of those Love/Hate relationships I have with my blog. I remember I use to love blogging all the time- it was like a modern diary to me. But I do have an excuse. I haven't had my computer with me for a long long time but when I finally got it back, I just forgot about this! Too bad we can't really update our blogs on our phones. It would be so much easier.

So, I've just been back from my awesome trip to London. It was a fun weekend for me and I haven't drank so much in a week! I'm glad my friends and I had planned to go there and have a little gathering. 

My braces were suppose to be due off in June but now my orthodontics is saying I will have to wear them for another while. But I guess the wait will be worth it although that was the main highlight of the year was to finally have my braces off!

I've left my job in March. Which was a bit of a bummer as I did enjoy working there. But if you're not happy at a job then get the hell out. It was the best decision I've ever made. I felt trapped and under appreciated for all the efforts I've put in, but hey, such is life. Not everyone is going to be pleased all the time.
I'm now working part time back at my previous employers and things are great. The girls and guys are great there and we all have a laugh. It's madness how much 2 years since I've been there has changed but yet everyone is still the same. 

My little brother is going to Korea on Friday for 3 whole months. He's so lucky!

Anyway, I will end the blog with the awesome song I came across. I grew up listening to him and still reminisce on the fun times I had when I was living in London as a kid.

張學友 | 只想一生跟你走

共你有過最美的邂逅

共你有過一些風雨憂愁
共你醉過痛過的最後
但我發覺想你不能沒有

在你每次抱怨的眼眸
像我永遠不懂給你溫柔
別再訴說我倆早已分手
像你教我傷心依然未夠

但你沒帶走 夢裡的所有
讓你走 為何讓你看不透

但求
你未淡忘　往日舊情
我願默然　帶著淚流
很想一生跟你走

就算
天邊海角　多少改變
一生只有　風中追究
不想孤單的逗留

但求
你未淡忘　往日舊情
我願默然　帶著淚流
很想一生跟你走
在我心中的你　思海的你
今生不可不能沒有

Gone Not Around Any Longer- Sistar19

"Not giving yourself another chance is like opening a Pandora's Box and second-guessing yourself."